Tuesday, August 17, 2010 8:36 PM, CDT
WE HAVE A PLAN...Well, it's been a big evening. The last couple days have been somewhat uneventful...Lauryn's continued to have decels...a couple of them "bigger" ones (although nothing like the other night)...the "smaller" ones are becoming more repetitive...I've continued to have contractions...at times being consistent/stronger contractions...the decels are starting to "match up" with the contractions...but none of this is to be unexpected at this point.
I felt pretty crummy last evening/this morning...nausea/just didn't "feel right", but took some Zofran, had a good, long nap and started feeling better...
My bpp this morning was good...8/8...but my dopplars were elevated...she mentioned her cord was "near" her neck (but not around)...but that, overall, the baby looked great.
So...just when I thought things would just plug along like they have been (unless another big, big decel or I go into labor on my own)...my OB came in this evening with a plan...he had spoken with the high risk OB earlier and they have a plan we are going to implement...
* There is a concern that with my continued decels, I will have another one anytime (something they can't predict) that will cause me to go to OR for an emergency c-section. While they are certainly prepared for that/feel the baby would ultimately be okay, there are complications that can come with that...an emergency c-section just isn't something they like to do...
* Looking at the overall picture, and the fact that I will be 34 weeks on Friday, this is the plan (assuming Lauryn doesn't decide something else in the meantime...like to have another big, big decel...or repeated "bigger" ones or decides to go into full labor)...
--They want to see if Lauryn's lungs are fully developed. I had steroid shots around 29 weeks...they are giving me another round--one shot tonight and one tomorrow to continue to boost that lung development.
--The high risk OB would like to do an amnio on Friday morning...to pull some fluid to send off that can tell how developed/mature Lauryn's lungs are (apparently those results come back quickly...?)
--That #/the results from that will determine the next step...
- if they feel her lungs are developed enough/are mature...they are going to induce me Friday night. My OB will be here for 24 hours Friday thru Saturday so he will be here...(Lauryn has been breech the last several days and today was traverse--sideways...if she doesn't turn head down, they will do a c-section rather than induce...if she is head down, they will induce and watch closely, making sure the contractions don't stress her)
- if her lungs are not mature/they feel it's too much of a risk at that point, they will repeat the amnio within a week, hoping to continue with prior step
- if they feel the maturity is "borderline", they will have to make a decision...is the risk of delivering her and her needing some extra help greater than the risk of her having a big decel/needing an emergency c-section...
SO...it looks like there's a good chance little Lauryn could arrive this Friday or Saturday! That is assuming she "behaves" until then...I'm really hoping she does okay until at least Thursday, as my OB is off on Wednesdays...I know it would be fine, but I really, really want him to deliver this one...for many more reasons than just to "say he did"...
While we are of course nervous (and a little freaked out about an amnio--never had one...but have had numerous people, including my mother who had two of them years ago, tell me it's not really that bad--I just won't be looking at the big needle I keep hearing about...John will have to be in another room or he may be on the stretcher...:) ), it's also exciting and becoming more and more "real" that she will arrive soon!!! And then there's the fact that the "light at the end of the tunnel" as far as me having to remain in the hospital is getting closer!
While I'm completely aware that there could be complications and/or that Lauryn may need some time/"help" in NICU to help her along...my instincts/gut tell me that she is going to be just fine...she has proven to be a stong, little fighter...small but mighty!!!
So...continue those prayers that things go as they are supposed to...that all of us can hang in there just awhile longer...that Lauryn continues to get stronger/more mature/grow...and that she continues to be the little spunky fighter she seems to be!
I will keep everyone posted...
As always...THANK YOU for EVERYTHING!!!!!
Love,
Jen
I felt pretty crummy last evening/this morning...nausea/just didn't "feel right", but took some Zofran, had a good, long nap and started feeling better...
My bpp this morning was good...8/8...but my dopplars were elevated...she mentioned her cord was "near" her neck (but not around)...but that, overall, the baby looked great.
So...just when I thought things would just plug along like they have been (unless another big, big decel or I go into labor on my own)...my OB came in this evening with a plan...he had spoken with the high risk OB earlier and they have a plan we are going to implement...
* There is a concern that with my continued decels, I will have another one anytime (something they can't predict) that will cause me to go to OR for an emergency c-section. While they are certainly prepared for that/feel the baby would ultimately be okay, there are complications that can come with that...an emergency c-section just isn't something they like to do...
* Looking at the overall picture, and the fact that I will be 34 weeks on Friday, this is the plan (assuming Lauryn doesn't decide something else in the meantime...like to have another big, big decel...or repeated "bigger" ones or decides to go into full labor)...
--They want to see if Lauryn's lungs are fully developed. I had steroid shots around 29 weeks...they are giving me another round--one shot tonight and one tomorrow to continue to boost that lung development.
--The high risk OB would like to do an amnio on Friday morning...to pull some fluid to send off that can tell how developed/mature Lauryn's lungs are (apparently those results come back quickly...?)
--That #/the results from that will determine the next step...
- if they feel her lungs are developed enough/are mature...they are going to induce me Friday night. My OB will be here for 24 hours Friday thru Saturday so he will be here...(Lauryn has been breech the last several days and today was traverse--sideways...if she doesn't turn head down, they will do a c-section rather than induce...if she is head down, they will induce and watch closely, making sure the contractions don't stress her)
- if her lungs are not mature/they feel it's too much of a risk at that point, they will repeat the amnio within a week, hoping to continue with prior step
- if they feel the maturity is "borderline", they will have to make a decision...is the risk of delivering her and her needing some extra help greater than the risk of her having a big decel/needing an emergency c-section...
SO...it looks like there's a good chance little Lauryn could arrive this Friday or Saturday! That is assuming she "behaves" until then...I'm really hoping she does okay until at least Thursday, as my OB is off on Wednesdays...I know it would be fine, but I really, really want him to deliver this one...for many more reasons than just to "say he did"...
While we are of course nervous (and a little freaked out about an amnio--never had one...but have had numerous people, including my mother who had two of them years ago, tell me it's not really that bad--I just won't be looking at the big needle I keep hearing about...John will have to be in another room or he may be on the stretcher...:) ), it's also exciting and becoming more and more "real" that she will arrive soon!!! And then there's the fact that the "light at the end of the tunnel" as far as me having to remain in the hospital is getting closer!
While I'm completely aware that there could be complications and/or that Lauryn may need some time/"help" in NICU to help her along...my instincts/gut tell me that she is going to be just fine...she has proven to be a stong, little fighter...small but mighty!!!
So...continue those prayers that things go as they are supposed to...that all of us can hang in there just awhile longer...that Lauryn continues to get stronger/more mature/grow...and that she continues to be the little spunky fighter she seems to be!
I will keep everyone posted...
As always...THANK YOU for EVERYTHING!!!!!
Love,
Jen
Thursday, August 19, 2010 5:09 PM, CDT
THE PLAN CONT'D...Had a bpp ultrasound as well as a growth ultrasound this morning. Bpp was the usual 8/8 :)...Lauryn weighs 4.6 pounds and is in the 13%ile...same percentile, but is gaining weight (and hasn't gone down in %ile)...so that is good. She is still breech, which affects delivery, of course.
The "plan" we have at this moment is:
1) Bpp ultrasound and Amnio to test for lung maturity tomorrow (Friday) at 9:30 am (send up those extra prayers for both of us!).
2) It will take a few hours to get those results back...we will know by Friday afternoon.
3) If they feel her lungs are mature enough, they will choose delivery. My OB and I talked about delivery options today:
* Because she is breech (and assuming she stays this way), my OB said the options are to try to turn her or C-Section.
* He is hesitant to turn the baby because of the shortened cord/decels. If they could turn her cephalic (head down), there could still be the risk of c-section (possibly emergency) if she were to get too stressed with the contractions and start to decel a lot...She already gets a little stressed with stronger contractions...
* After hearing that John/I are actually fine with the c-section option (actually at times I prefer it with my concern that she will get too stressed with labor), I think my OB was more comfortable just leaning/planning on C-Section.
* SO...unless for some reason she would turn herself in the next day (my gut tells me she won't), there really is no other option than c-section...even if she does turn...c-section may be the best option.
* This being the case, he said to plan on delivery/c-section on Saturday...likely morning.
4) If they do not feel her lungs are mature enough...it may be another week, when they will do the amnio again/see what happens.
We may have an exciting weekend ahead (Happy Birthday, Lauryn on August 21st!)! I get the impression the doctors feel it is likely she will be mature enough (no guarantee, tho!), especially with having two rounds of steroids to boost those lungs...
Keep those prayers coming! I will try to update tomorrow once we know the results/make final delivery plans, etc.
Love you all!!!
Jen
3) If they feel her lungs are mature enough, they will choose delivery. My OB and I talked about delivery options today:
* Because she is breech (and assuming she stays this way), my OB said the options are to try to turn her or C-Section.
* He is hesitant to turn the baby because of the shortened cord/decels. If they could turn her cephalic (head down), there could still be the risk of c-section (possibly emergency) if she were to get too stressed with the contractions and start to decel a lot...She already gets a little stressed with stronger contractions...
* After hearing that John/I are actually fine with the c-section option (actually at times I prefer it with my concern that she will get too stressed with labor), I think my OB was more comfortable just leaning/planning on C-Section.
* SO...unless for some reason she would turn herself in the next day (my gut tells me she won't), there really is no other option than c-section...even if she does turn...c-section may be the best option.
* This being the case, he said to plan on delivery/c-section on Saturday...likely morning.
4) If they do not feel her lungs are mature enough...it may be another week, when they will do the amnio again/see what happens.
We may have an exciting weekend ahead (Happy Birthday, Lauryn on August 21st!)! I get the impression the doctors feel it is likely she will be mature enough (no guarantee, tho!), especially with having two rounds of steroids to boost those lungs...
Keep those prayers coming! I will try to update tomorrow once we know the results/make final delivery plans, etc.
Love you all!!!
Jen
Friday, August 20, 2010 5:30 PM, CDT
WE ARE ON!!!!
LAURYN RENDEL BUECHLER to arrive on Saturday, August 21, 2010 via C-Section at 8:00 am!!!
* It took awhile longer than thought, but we got all the results back from the amnio...things look great! The doctors said it all looks reassuring...the numbers/ratios were wonderful and my OB feels going ahead with the scheduled c-section tomorrow is much safer than risking an emergency c-section with waiting...
* I am scheduled for 8:00 am tomorrow am...One of the things they look at with the amnio results is a number of cases of babies with the "same" results as mine...basically in almost 2000 babies with my same results--only 2 needed help with breathing...so the odds are good that she will do well in that respect (1 in 1000)! There may be other reasons (feeding, etc.) that she will need to go to NICU...it COULD also be that she will need some respiratory assistance, can't rule that out, but it looks very hopeful.
* She's had a little increase in decels today...with some "flatter" baselines (not much variability) at times than they like to see...but it may be a result of taking Ambien last night (to help me sleep) or just normal "side effects" of having an ambio...my contractions picked up a bit afterwards and she hasn't liked that. Hopefully things will settle down (pretty good now) and she will just "behave" until tomorrow morning!
All those prayers are working! What a wonderful thing to be able to experience the true power of prayer so much in my life! God is good and we are SO blessed!
It's all sinking in now, becoming a reality that tomorrow we will meet little Lauryn! Even being in the hospital, constantly listening to her heartbeat and "watching" her heartrate...it still has seemed almost surreal...this whole pregnancy pretty much has! Absorbing that we will have #5 has taken awhile...yet we are so excited and anxious to add this true miracle/blessing to our family. The kids are super excited...to meet their baby sister...and then, of course, to get to have me come home in a few days (probably Tuesday or Wednesday, assuming all things go well...)...
Thank you all for everything!!!!! We love you...we will update tomorrow as soon as we can...hopefully with LOTS of pictures!!!
Love,
Jen
LAURYN RENDEL BUECHLER to arrive on Saturday, August 21, 2010 via C-Section at 8:00 am!!!
* It took awhile longer than thought, but we got all the results back from the amnio...things look great! The doctors said it all looks reassuring...the numbers/ratios were wonderful and my OB feels going ahead with the scheduled c-section tomorrow is much safer than risking an emergency c-section with waiting...
* I am scheduled for 8:00 am tomorrow am...One of the things they look at with the amnio results is a number of cases of babies with the "same" results as mine...basically in almost 2000 babies with my same results--only 2 needed help with breathing...so the odds are good that she will do well in that respect (1 in 1000)! There may be other reasons (feeding, etc.) that she will need to go to NICU...it COULD also be that she will need some respiratory assistance, can't rule that out, but it looks very hopeful.
* She's had a little increase in decels today...with some "flatter" baselines (not much variability) at times than they like to see...but it may be a result of taking Ambien last night (to help me sleep) or just normal "side effects" of having an ambio...my contractions picked up a bit afterwards and she hasn't liked that. Hopefully things will settle down (pretty good now) and she will just "behave" until tomorrow morning!
All those prayers are working! What a wonderful thing to be able to experience the true power of prayer so much in my life! God is good and we are SO blessed!
It's all sinking in now, becoming a reality that tomorrow we will meet little Lauryn! Even being in the hospital, constantly listening to her heartbeat and "watching" her heartrate...it still has seemed almost surreal...this whole pregnancy pretty much has! Absorbing that we will have #5 has taken awhile...yet we are so excited and anxious to add this true miracle/blessing to our family. The kids are super excited...to meet their baby sister...and then, of course, to get to have me come home in a few days (probably Tuesday or Wednesday, assuming all things go well...)...
Thank you all for everything!!!!! We love you...we will update tomorrow as soon as we can...hopefully with LOTS of pictures!!!
Love,
Jen
Sunday, August 22, 2010 11:23 AM, CDT
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LAURYN RENDEL BUECHLER! Lauryn was born via C-Section yesterday at 8:23 am. She weighed 4 pounds 11 ounces and is 16 inches long. 
I am so sorry I haven't updated until now. We've had a very emotional last 26 hours...Once I had some pain medication and a little medicine to help me sleep last night...I fell asleep pretty much sitting up, writing my CaringBridge update!!!
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| Ready to meet Lauryn! |
I felt pretty good yesterday, but am pretty sore/slow going today. I didn't wake up until 9:00 am (last time that will happen forever, I have a feeling!), and the nurse came in to "free me" of all my tubes, etc. Getting to get out of bed myself, etc. is something I'm still getting used to! :) I have slowly phased back into a "normal" diet...have not had any nausea, etc. (knock on wood), had a light dinner last night and getting ready to eat a light brkfst now...so hopefully I'm through the woods as far as that (other than some possible nausea with different pain meds they started me on this morning)...
Lauryn went to NICU fairly immediately after being born. They looked her over, got some apgars...let me see her quickly and sent her up...She is a doll...has a head of dark hair! Her color was great...Her lungs were a little wet and they were having to work with her a little on breathing, but nothing abnormal for a preemie/c-sectioned baby...
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| Lauryn Rendel Buechler, 4 lbs, 11 oz |
I have to say I knew when I saw her...When my doctor showed her to me, I saw this beautiful little girl...who I knew in my heart was my special little girl...because I just knew the concerns about Down's had come to truth...For so long, my "gut" has been telling me that she did not have it...over the last several days I have felt like I needed to open my heart/mind again to that possibility (God was preparing me). When I saw her just after birth...I KNEW...I could tell a bit from her beautiful facial features (eyes) and this amazingly strong feeling I had inside that "Yes, she was." After they cleaned her up a bit and brought her to me for a second (I have not been able to hold her) look--she was cleaned up a bit...it wasn't as "prominent", but I still knew it to be true. They took her up to NICU, finished up the C-Section and I was able to go back to my room.
Very soon after, Dr. Wagner (my OB) came in to let us know she was doing well, was on a SiPap machine, etc. He also said there were concerns about Down's. When I told him I had this strong feeling, he said when she came out, he did, too. Gosh, he is such an amazing man. He cried a little bit with me (he has a nephew who has DS--and knows ALL of the amazing blessings he has brought to so many people's lives, but also remembers the struggle his brother/sister-in-law went through to fully absorb this and know that it's going to be okay).
John and my mom went up to the NICU right after talking to Dr. Wagner to see her...they also got to talk with one of the Neonatology doctor, who was very helpful and informative...he does feel strongly that she has Down's. The other neonatology doctor at Community has a Down's child himself...he returns Monday and will be an especially helpful resource for us/provider of strength and complete understanding. They will be doing some bloodwork to confirm DS, but the lab is not open on the weekend...so Monday they will send it in and it will take a couple days for the results...however, we are not expecting anything different.
It does not appear that Lauryn has any health complications that can so often occur with Down's. Her heart looks to be wonderful...they do not hear a murmur or anything (remember she had an echo ultrasound and the Dr. at Riley was thrilled with it...no "big" issues...she had said that there are some less serious things that do not show up on ultrasound sometimes, but any of these could be more easily addressed). She is having bowel movements and urinating (took her the afternoon), so they are not concerned about blockage.
She is on a SiPAP machine...much like a CPAP...but the SiPAP can help initiate breaths...this can be done with her "own" oxygen (room air) or with oxygen assistance if needed. Last night around 7 pm, she started having a little trouble--more labored breathing and her oxidation levels were going down, with her having some trouble getting them back up. They had to give her some assistance with the SiPAP and were watching her closely. When we sent to say Good Night, the nurse said there was a chance she might have to intebate her (respirator)...at least a short time...there is a medicine they can give with that (can't remember the name) that can help her along, as well...they didn't know for sure...and were going to just watch her VERY closely and see how she did on her own awhile...getting thru that hump. Her lungs were still pretty wet...which could be a result of just being premature...or Down's could be contributing...they really still felt it was a LUNG issue...and not heart (or even heart contributing).
The nurse came down this morning to tell me Lauryn had a GREAT night! She did well and is now breathing room air and liking it (still on SiPAP)...She is a little fighter, I tell ya!
Before last evening (and maybe now again), the "tentative plan" was to try to take her off of SiPAP and see how she did on either CPAP (which only pushes her own air a bit, doesn't initiate breaths, etc.) or even just a little oxygen. I'm getting ready to go up there in a bit, so hopefully I will know more about that soon.
I have not been able to hold her yet...won't be able to hold her until she is completely off SiPAP at least. Possibly later today or maybe tomorrow. That has been HARD...but, at the same time, I am okay with it...she is so tiny, etc. and with tubes---it makes me nervous to attempt it--I don't want to stress her in ANY way...etc. I just want her to be so comfortable and able to enjoy/find comfort in Mommy snuggling her...
I am pumping...apparently this pump will be my new best friend for several weeks! They don't really know how long she will be here, but the general consensus/"guess" is at least 2-3 weeks...We will just have to see how things go...
So, it's certainly been an emotional journey the last 27 hours. John and I are doing well. Obviously we have our moments...I think our breakdowns are more out of "fear" of the unknown...and working through those feelings--some absolutely "silly" fears that don't matter, but that do cross our minds like, "what will people think?", etc. ....many fears that are completely out of our control--that we are just going to have to be patient and work through like, "will she be able to go to the same school", "how 'high functioning' will she be?", etc., etc.
It is scary...at the same time, our tears are NOT because we are so full of sorrow...we KNOW God chose this little girl for our family and that he chose our family for this little girl. Thinking about it that way sometimes gives me excitement in that she is going to bring so many "special" blessings to so many others. I know it.
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| Baby "Toe-Toes" |
Tyler and Will came up last night and got to see Lauryn. We looked at pictures of her before going in (I posted these on the site) so they wouldn't be so scared/nervous. I spoke with Tyler a long time about Down Syndrome as well--we also looked at children/people with Down's so he could more internalize what this is (he has seen people with Down's). Will heard parts of it (we started conversation with him there), but I don't think he grasped that whole thing, nor does he need to right now. Tyler did amazingly well with it...I know he will have many anxieties about it (like we do), but I also know what a perfect big brother he is going to be to a sibling with special needs. Ben and Maddie are able to go into the NICU for a brief time, but we are hesitant to do that right now...we will likely just show pictures until she is more able to be held, etc.
Whew!
We can't tell you how much your prayers, support, encouragement, love, etc., etc., etc. have helped us through this...and will continue to help us through this journey. We feel your love so strongly and are SOOO blessed that Lauryn will feel all of that, too!
THANK YOU! I will keep you posted as much as possible...keep those prayers going that little Lauryn keeps fighting through her little hurdles right now...and that all of us will continue to find the strength, peace, and courage we need as we start out this new, wonderful journey with 5 children, one being a special needs child.
We love you!!!!
Jen
Monday, August 23, 2010 11:35 PM, CDT
BIG DAY YESTERDAY and BIG DAY TODAY...So yesterday when I went up to NICU around noon, Lauryn was having a BIG day! She had a wonderful night the previous night (Saturday) and they were switching her over from the Sii-Pap to just the little tube that helps with oxygen flow (the terminology often escapes me...but I figure I'm not the only one who just says "tube thing"...)...
They were also planning on feeding her later (via the tube already in her mouth...I thought they'd put another one in, but she is set to go in that respect...)
They first said they'd give her a little time without the Sii-Pap and then I could hold her, but when the Dr. was finished talking with me, the nurse and resp. ther. said, "Change of Plans...you get to hold her now!". That was awesome...I posted pictures of that, as well as some of her throughout the day yesterday...Holding her certainly made it more "real"...but allowed me to really start connecting with her. I was able to hold her for two periods of time yesterday...John has had a little "cold", so he was very hesitant to hold her yet...tomorrow...
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| I can't figure out how to rotate this picture!!! :( |
Today was an even bigger day...Little Lauryn is tuckered out for sure!!!
I'll attempt to summarize things from the last two days...(it's hard to believe that Lauryn is only a little over than 3 days old! She's gone through so much in her first 3 days...)
* The pediatric cardiologist from Riley came yesterday to do her echocardiogram (it was the same one who did her ultrasound in utero)...everything looked wonderful...no heart issues!
* They did an abdominal ultrasound today. Because of the calcifications they had seen in the abdomen/around the liver during pregnancy, they just wanted to make sure there wasn't anything going on that may have been "missed." The calcifications near/around/on the liver were seen on the u/s today, but were listed as "clinically insignificant"...so everything with that was wonderful, too!
* An opthomalogist will be coming in sometime to check her eyes...and they will check her hearing definitely before she leaves here, but really don't expect those to be an issue...at least any more of an issue than what would be expected from any baby born/in NICU.
* They did the labs that will officially confirm if Lauryn has Down Syndrome...there really is no question...but must do to confirm. They also drew some labs to check for any thyroid issues she may have...again, the doctor wasn't too concerned about this.
* They've done a couple chest x-rays...he showed us one on the computer...oh my goodness! The tiniest little x-ray ever! Anyway...there is still some fluid on her lungs, but that is totally normal for 34 weeks/c-section baby...the doctor expects it to be gone by tomorrow or so!
* They are weaning her off the oxygen flow in the "tube"...She started at a flow of "4"--has been on that a day or so...they were planning to wean her off totally today (and feel she would have done fine), but she tuckered out from all the big changes (and from trying to draw labs), so they have weaned her down to 1...are going to let her stay at that tonight, then tomorrow take her completely off and see what happens! She has tolerated everything very well so far...Once they do that, she gets to try to nurse!!! So tomorrow she will likely get to do that, too!
* They removed her IV...one less tube...her skin is so sensitive...I noticed last night that her arm was really irritated from the tape on the IV...her little arm is almost raw where it was...:( She's gotten lots of extra lovin' from her nurse today b/c of that!
* We got to talk with Dr. Hertz today...the head of the NICU at Community...very involved with Riley (his wife is a NICU nurse for cardiology at Riley) in children with Down Syndrome support...he and his wife have a child of their own with Down Syndrome. He was AMAZING!!! He had so many supportive words...from a medical standpoint, but more importantly for us, from an experience standpoint.
* He said medically, Lauryn is doing fantastic. To be able to go home she must:
- be able to breathe on her own...maintain heart rate, oxygen levels, etc. on her own (well on our way...likely tomorrow that will be a "check")
- be able to maintain her body temperature ("check")
- able to successfully feed...receive the nutrition, etc. that she needs
The feeding will likely be the issue with Lauryn. She may totally take off and do very well quickly...or it may take her some time. We just don't know how that's going to go until we get started. All of the doctors/nurses have said this will be more of the deciding factor/what would mean a longer than not stay in NICU. But, that's okay! We can handle that.
The emotional support/encouragement he gave us in terms of "experience" and this journey were the most important part of today...and such wonderful/needed "medicine" for us.
Some things he said:
- It's OKAY for us to be feeling such an array of emotions, including a sense of mourning, getting mad at times, etc. If we didn't experience this/go through this, he would be concerned...as it might come back to hit us harder down the road...
- We are at the "bottom of the barrel" right now...our emotions are at "rock bottom"...it's not going to get better tomorrow or the next day--it will take a little time, but it WILL get better. He could not promise us when, but he did promise us it will NOT get worse!
- Things WILL be okay...this is a whole different journey than we had planned...but the end goal, etc. is the same...We can expect a whole lot out of Lauryn...she is going to be able to do so many things...and she is going to teach all of us so much!
- He is such a kind, wonderful man...he is going to give us his personal number and his wife's personal cell phone number and told us to please call...there are lots of doctors and nurses who have a lot of good information to say/explain...but the BEST resources...especially right now...are people who have experienced this...
- He said to stay away from the Internet (we actually have...typically I would have scoured the Internet for information, but haven't yet been in a frame of mind to even go there yet)! He is going to give us a big bag of information that he told us to "stick in the closet" and MAYBE get it out in 6 months or so to read. Dr. Hertz told us that there is so much information out there...there is a lot of information/"things that could/may happen" that are either not fully true or don't come to be true...like with ANY baby/child...there is a list a mile long of things that "could go wrong"...worrying and fretting over things that will more than likely NOT happen isn't worth the time...
I came across something wonderful today...that is similar to what Dr. Hertz was saying about this just being a different "path"/"journey" than what we expected it to be. I want to share it with all of you...
Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley
©1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved.
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this…
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy.
You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”
“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you never would have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…and you begin to notice Holland has windmills…and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy…and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say,
“Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away…because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.
But…if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to go to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things…about Holland.
We just can't say enough how completely blessed we feel by the support and love we have from all of you. We are getting emails from people we hardly know, but who are praying for us...and encouraging us...and inspiring us. We have so many dear, dear family and friends who are our "rocks" and who are doing so many things for us/helping us--keeping our heads above water...every single one of you has touched our lives in so many ways. We have been told several times during this journey--especially the last few days--what special people/parents we are...how blessed Lauryn is to be a part of OUR family...and how our faith has been an inspiration to others. We want you to know that YOU ALL are that for us...Our family/friends/community are the foundation to our faith...you are our inspiration and our "examples" of faith, love and support...that guide us through this journey...as well as many other journeys in our lives...God has blessed us with all of you...I honestly don't know how we could have a better support system...a better family...better friends...better community than what we have...You all are gifts from God to us...we are so grateful...so blessed...and we love you all!
I will try to update tomorrow...hopefully with a report that we started our "feeding journey"! :)
Love,
Jen
P.S. Today was my mom's birthday! One special birthday gift she received was getting to hold Lauryn for the first time! :)
